


i know u love me

by dahmers_apt213



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotions, Fluff, Idiots in Love, Light Angst, M/M, Soft Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard, i guess??, introspective neil, not really sexy but not really g rated either, they’re in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-28
Updated: 2021-01-28
Packaged: 2021-03-17 03:48:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28967853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dahmers_apt213/pseuds/dahmers_apt213
Summary: Neil is content with their routine.But he does wish that sometimes Andrew would say it out loud. Neil wants to hear the wordsI love youcome out of Andrew’s mouth one time, just once. He needs to hear it, if only just for peace of mind.
Relationships: Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard
Comments: 18
Kudos: 90
Collections: AFTG Mixtape Exchange 2021





	i know u love me

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Mercey](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mercey/gifts).



> this is for the AFTG mixtape exchange and is based off of the song [Affection](https://open.spotify.com/track/722YgK1QgMHyu9RVy7iWYM?si=e1q1FLp2T8OjODVMErbDlw) by Amber Run!  
> thank u to [queer_esque](https://archiveofourown.org/users/queer_esque) for betaing!  
> 🧡✨🧡✨🧡

Neil is content. He’s content to be with Andrew; quietly coexisting with him in their little bubble of space. 

He knows that Andrew loves him; it’s clear in his actions. The way he always makes sure Neil buckles his seatbelt in the car even if he doesn’t do it himself. The way he makes an extra cup of coffee in the morning for Neil—black, just how he likes it. The way he holds Neil when he knows he had a bad day, even without Neil saying anything. 

Neil is content with their routine. 

But he does wish that sometimes Andrew would say it out loud. Neil wants to hear the words _I love you_ come out of Andrew’s mouth one time, just once. He needs to hear it, if only just for peace of mind. 

Andrew’s stopped telling Neil he hates him quite as much. Neil knows it’s always said with an undertone of love, but sometimes when he’s had a bad day, all he wants to do is curl up on the couch next to his boyfriend and be held, and have Andrew tell him that he loves him. 

* * *

Neil lays in their bed, staring at the ceiling. He wants to wake Andrew up and cuddle, and feel his arms around him, but it’s almost one in the morning and he doesn’t want to be a bother. He rolls on his side, staring at Andrew’s peaceful, sleeping face. It’s such a contrast from how he looks when he’s awake—all hard lines and tensed muscles. But asleep, Andrew looks calm and mild—beautiful. 

Neil stares at Andrew’s face for ten minutes before deciding to get up and take a walk, get some fresh air and think to himself. 

Carefully, so as not to wake Andrew, he slides out of bed and shrugs a sweatshirt over his head. He looks back at Andrew, making sure he is still fast asleep, before quietly slipping out of the bedroom. 

Neil doesn’t have a plan, but he heads up to the roof anyway, pausing at the vending machine to grab a packet of Oreos before he reaches the open air of the cool night on the top of the building. He sets himself down on the edge of the roof, pausing for a breath, before getting up again to find their stash of cigarettes hidden in the gap between bricks. Neil lights a cigarette and wanders back over to his perch on the edge of the roof, looking out across campus. 

He takes a breath.

And another.

He’s never loved someone this way before; he never felt like he would do anything for someone, like he does for Andrew. It’s a crushing weight on his chest, the overwhelming love that he feels for this man who has probably never even said the word ‘love’ out loud. 

Neil leans back, laying on his back with his feet dangling off the side of the building. He takes a drag from the cigarette that he’s barely touched, and inhales the smoke that once reminded him of his mother, but now is a reminder of Andrew. 

It used to symbolize running and hiding, and now it means home and _love_. 

The night sky is vast and all encompassing; Neil watches the stars blink at him as he stares up into the darkness, his eyes slipping closed as the thought of Andrew’s arms around him clouds his mind. 

Every thought that Neil ever has always comes back to Andrew, always comes back to the ways Andrew loves him without ever saying that he does. 

And suddenly, he’s crying. Not aggressively, but there’s tears pricking at his eyes and his cheeks are wet. Neil sits up, abandoning his almost burnt out cigarette on the ground beside him and wiping his eyes. “The fuck,” He mumbles to himself, hardly able to register the tears springing from his eyes. Why is he crying? 

Neil stares at the tears on his fingers, trying to organize his thoughts, when he hears the door to the roof open. Quickly, he rubs his eyes again and grabs the packet of Oreos that he forgot about. He opens the cookies just as Andrew steps up behind him, smashing Neil’s abandoned cigarette under his unlaced shoe. 

Andrew doesn’t say anything to Neil for a second, probably noticing his tear stained cheeks, and the way he’s avoiding eye contact. It’s times like these when Neil is thankful for Andrew’s ability to read him so easily. 

Andrew fishes a cigarette from his pocket as he takes his seat next to Neil. He lights his cigarette and blows the smoke away from Neil, holding his hand out for a cookie as he does. 

Neil doesn’t say anything but places an Oreo in Andrew’s waiting hand. He stares at the side of Andrew’s face as he sits there, quietly admiring him; he doesn’t even realize that he’s smiling. 

Andrew turns to meet Neil’s eyes, “You bought cookies and then haven’t even eaten any,” He says, motioning to the packet of Oreos, now only missing a single cookie, which Andrew just ate. 

Neil blinks. He doesn’t have an excuse. “I figured you’d track me down if I had cookies,” He replies finally, snatching the cigarette from Andrew’s lips and taking a drag from it, before handing it back to him and plucking an Oreo from the packet for himself. 

Andrew nods, laying back onto the cold concrete of the roof. He doesn’t ask why Neil’s up here; he doesn’t ask why Neil was crying; he doesn’t ask why Neil can’t sleep. 

Neil lays back, next to Andrew, breathing and staring up at the vast expanse of the night sky above them. It’s nice to sit in silence like this, just existing together. 

Andrew takes a drag from his cigarette, carefully sliding his unoccupied hand over to brush against Neil’s, his pinky finger curling and just holding onto him, their little fingers locked together. 

Neil exhales another deep breath, his thoughts bouncing around in his head, all of them leading back to Andrew.

Andrew leans up and over Neil, pressing a kiss to his mouth as he steals another Oreo from the abandoned packet of cookies on the other side of Neil.

“Did you just come up here to steal my Oreos?” Neil asks, nudging Andrew’s shoulder with his own. 

“Maybe,” Andrew replies, finishing his cookie and taking a drag from his cigarette. He leans over Neil again, opening his mouth to let the smoke blow over Neil’s face. Neil inhales, breathing him in and letting the smoke fill his lungs. He almost cries again, probably from sharing with Andrew like this, but before the tears prick at his eyes, Andrew presses down against him. His mouth slides against Neil’s, their lips moving in sync. Andrew tastes like chocolate and smoke and it’s the most Andrew taste.

Neil curls a hand in Andrew’s hair, holding him over himself awkwardly. 

Andrew pulls back, grabbing the last cookie and sitting up. “Are you almost done sulking up here?” He asks, sucking the last of his cigarette down before tossing it over the edge. “It’s cold.” 

Neil leans up on his elbows, his head tilted towards Andrew, staring at the back of his head. “Yeah,” Neil shrugs, “I guess I can sulk in bed instead of up here.” 

Andrew doesn’t say anything else but hops up, reaching his hand down to help Neil up. Neil doesn’t usually take Andrew’s hand, but he does tonight, hoisting himself up off of the edge of the roof and following Andrew back down. The walk down to their room is completely silent; Neil is just content to listen to the soft thumping of their feet against the floor, syncing up as Andrew curls his pinky around Neil’s again. 

Quietly, carefully, Andrew sheds his sweatshirt and slides into the bed with his back to the wall. Neil climbs in after him, tangling their legs together and curling up with his face pressed into Andrew’s chest. 

Their breathing syncs up and Neil can feel Andrew’s exhales against his hair. They match so well; Andrew’s body holding Neil to him, protecting him, and Neil giving his all to Andrew and submitting to the security of knowing that he will never leave. 

Neil nuzzles his face into Andrew’s chest, breathing in his scent and feeling safe and warm and almost giddy, overflowing with affection. 

Before he can overthink again, the words bubble up out of him, spilling out into the room like tar. “Do you love me, Andrew?” Neil asks, his body pressed up against Andrew’s. 

Andrew turns his head towards Neil, confusion and maybe concern tainting his tired expression. “What do you mean?” He questions, a hand carefully brushing through Neil’s hair. 

Neil tries to backtrack, realizing his mistake, putting Andrew on the spot like this. It’s almost three in the morning by now, and he’s not thinking clearly. “Sorry,” Neil replies, shaking his head a bit and nuzzling back into Andrew’s chest. “It’s nothing.” 

“If it was nothing, you wouldn’t have said it.” Andrew responds, the fingers laced in Neil’s hair tugging just enough to tilt his head backwards so that Andrew can look at Neil’s face. They stare at each other for a bit, just looking, Andrew silently trying to get Neil to tell him what’s on his mind, and Neil trying desperately to hide his thoughts so he doesn’t scare Andrew away. 

Finally, Neil yields to Andrew’s piercing hazel eyes that look like the sun, even in the darkness of their bedroom. “I know that you love me, but I want to hear it.” Neil tells him, their eyes locked through the dark, his fingers curling in the fabric of Andrew’s shirt. 

Andrew pauses for a breath, and suddenly he’s over Neil, his hands framing either side of Neil’s face. Andrew’s eyes scan Neil’s face, watching for any sign of distress before sitting up to straddle Neil. He watches Neil’s face as he slips his cold hands up under Neil’s shirt, feeling the little bumps on the skin where the scars are placed. Andrew pushes Neil’s shirt up, carefully tugging it over his head and tossing it to the side. He stares down at Neil’s bare chest, his fingers tracing the scars scattered over the skin. 

Neil can see him thinking, trying to figure out the right words to say. 

“I—” Andrew’s eyebrows knit together, like he’s not sure what to do next. 

Neil squeezes his hands into fists at his sides, not touching Andrew, but he wants to—he wants to touch so badly, to show Andrew what love looks like, and to show him that it's okay to love. And that Neil loves him right back. 

Andrew notices Neil’s tension and slides his hands down Neil’s arms, reaching for his hands twisted into fists. Carefully, Andrew unfurls Neil’s fists, opening each of his hands and forcing him to relax his fingers. He pulls Neil’s hands up to his own body, hovering them in front of himself before slowly sliding their interlocked hands under his shirt and placing Neil’s hands on his own stomach.

Neil holds his breath; it’s not often that Andrew asks for Neil’s hands on him, Neil usually has to ask for himself. But here Andrew is, giving this—asking for this, and welcoming it from Neil. 

Andrew’s skin feels hot under Neil’s touch; his fingers press into the flesh and curl around Andrew’s waist, cautiously holding him in his lap. They sit like that for a breath. And another, Andrew watching Neil’s face, and Neil rubbing circles into the skin where his fingers rest. It feels so intimate, with Neil’s hands on Andrew like this. 

Neil’s mind goes blank when Andrew lifts his arms and pulls his shirt over his head. He stares at the broad expanse of muscle that is Andrew’s chest, eyes roaming over his body, before flicking back up to his face. 

Andrew shifts, leaning over Neil and holding himself up above him. Gently, sweetly, tenderly, he kisses him, and he still tastes like Oreos. 

Andrew pulls back, his lips moving down the side of Neil’s face, nipping at the skin right under his ear. 

“You want to know what I love?” He whispers, and the breath against his skin sends a shiver up Neil’s spine. 

Andrew shifts again, moving down Neil’s body, and kisses the arch of Neil’s shoulder, right over the burn. “I love this.” He says, softly. Neil shivers at Andrew’s gentle touch, when his hands move around Neil’s body. He trails his hand around Neil’s waist, settling it on his stomach, over the scars there. “I love this.” Andrew says again, placing a kiss right over Neil’s collar bone. His hands move over Neil’s hips, fingerprints pressing into his hip bones. Andrew moves down a bit, mouthing at Neil’s nipple. “I love this.” He says, staring up at Neil’s face as his lips ghost over the sensitive skin.

Neil exhales, curling a hand into Andrew’s hair. “What else do you love, Andrew?” Neil replies, tilting his chin down to look Andrew in the eyes, his voice breathy and barely above a whisper.

Andrew pulls his lips off of Neil’s nipple, sliding his hand down the front of Neil’s stomach, pausing over the hair leading under the waistband of his sweats. “I love this.” Andrew says, his fingers dipping lower, pressing into Neil’s lower stomach. 

Neil wraps both arms around Andrew, pulling him in for a kiss. Andrew follows Neil’s movements, leaning on top of him and sliding a knee between Neil’s legs. Neil loves to feel completely enveloped in Andrew, his body fully covered by all of Andrew’s body. It makes him feel so safe and so cared for and so protected. And Andrew always makes sure to take care of Neil, to make him feel wanted and absolutely worshipped. 

“I know you love me.” Neil pulls back only slightly, his lips still against Andrew’s. “You show me that every day.” He says, curling his fingers tighter in Andrew’s hair. 

“Is that not enough?” Andrew asks, but it’s not accusatory. He presses a soft kiss to the side of Neil’s face, closing his eyes and breathing him in. 

“Actions speak louder than words,” Neil replies, turning his face so he can press a kiss to Andrew’s mouth. “I know you love me, but sometimes it’s nice to hear you say the words.” 

**Author's Note:**

> come hang out with me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/tozierstrashy) ! 💘


End file.
